Pour vous distraire

Voici un synopsis assez marrant sur pourquoi Bowzer est le personnage de jeu vidéo le plus chill, je l'ai trouvé assez marrant donc vous le post (j'ai édité des passages un peu trop long ou des références obscurs).

Perso, depuis que je bosse chez un client toute la semaine, je n'ai plus accès à internet et je m'ennuie sec de chez sec - et ne peux même pas consulter vos images, vidéos, liens, ou jeux sur le blog...

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The plot of Super Mario Bros. is essentially the tale of one long real estate struggle, as Bowser attempts to take over the Mushroom Kingdom and Mario shows up way too late to prevent him from doing so. Despite forming the kingdom's entire defense force, Mario rarely hears about an invasion until after Bowser has had enough time to build a series of castles. Archaeologists have responded to invasions faster.

While Mario is always in crisis mode, Bowser's motives seem to oscillate between good old-fashioned land lust and not having anything better to do on a Sunday.

The instant Bowser wants the kingdom, he has it - his life is what the God of the Old Testament would wish for if he was given a magic lantern from the spirit of Alexander the Great. He just sits back on his throne of fire and watches Mario scamper through the obstacle course that he designed. Hell, some of the time, he probably stages an invasion just because there's nothing good on TV.

Mario's the most recognizable family-friendly hero this side of Mickey Mouse, yet he's fighting to defend his home against a villain who is better at that as well. Bowser has a bigger family than Catholic sumo wrestlers, while the most famous hero in gaming is a 40-something bachelor, presumably still living knee-deep in mushroom pizza boxes, since we know he doesn't own more than one set of clothes. There are college students more mature than him -- at least they don't have to gather coins on their way to meet their girlfriends.

We know Bowser's home life has to be good, because even in the most annoying embodiments of the "rebellious teenager phase" possible, Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings still hang out with their father, learning the family trade.

The closest thing that Mario has to a stable relationship is the perpetually kidnapped Peach. While the game presents her prolonged disappearances as something between a shell game and a hostage situation, she's never as thankful as you'd hope when you rescue her.

Meanwhile, she's perfectly happy to race Go-Karts against Bowser. Their continual kidnapping/getting rescued game of cat-and-mouse seems more flirtatious than anything. In the real world, after the third time a woman disappears with the same man, either common sense or the police usually tell you to stop filing missing-person reports, let alone smash up his place trying to get her back.

So Bowser's got Mario's girl and a Mrs. Bowser somewhere tending a beautiful three-bedroom castle. Mario has the worst job in the world, and in his downtime, he's a lonely plumber.

Bowser gets to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, in the full knowledge that everyone will put up with it. He ruins Mario's life almost yearly, and Mario doesn't seem to care. Repeated home invasions and sexual assaults normally lead to restraining orders, not golf invitations.When you've abducted our girlfriend 10 times, then no, you may not come Go-Karting with us. They even invite him to the things that wouldn't make sense even if he wasn't a repeat sex offender -- call us crazy, but when someone BREATHES FIRE, you don't invite him to the Winter Olympics. It's not like Mario even gets to hit him -- Bowser is constantly being bathed in fire and dropped down bottomless chasms.

If a sports analyst wants to use math to say Team A is much better than Team B, he'll often say, "If they played 10 times on a neutral field, Team A would win nine times out of 10." If Team A is the Miami Heat and everyone on Team B is in a wheelchair, he might say they'd win 999 out of 1,000. Well, we don't have to use hypothetical scenarios for the matchup between Bowser and Mario. They've played on a neutral field billions of times and, whether you choose to believe that there's a Prestige-style Mario cloning machine just off screen at the beginning of each game or use quantum physics' notion of multiple universes, the fact is that Mario has set out on a quest to defeat Bowser billions of times, and his winning percentage has to be somewhere well below .001 percent.
Mario has died millions, maybe billions of pointless, futile deaths. His incredibly mortal coil is repeatedly flung into everything from medieval spiked pits to relativistic black holes -- everything human technology has ever achieved has been used to kill Mario.He's died more often at the hands of children than ants, and was steered clumsily off more cliffs in the 80s alone than the entire history of cars in Ireland.Add the fact that most casual Marionizers never beat the game, and you've got an endless expanse of parallel worlds where Bowser is not just winning, but winning with ease. In any coherent universe in which Bowser exists, the odds are extremely likely that Mario is either a minor blip on his security radar that went away within 15 seconds, or an army of clones he entertains himself by killing over and over again.

Voila. Marrant, non?

Zéro

K-homard en collant