Nel son of a fucking assfart clown, buggar, tits, balls, fuck, piss, shit I had to have a coloscopy

Sorry peeps !! blog absent for a bit - little health scare last week, which left me a little worse for wear... in short: shitting bright red blood and mucus and a shitload of pain - having passed out twice in the night you'll notice the nick on my nose for hitting the door handle on my way down??

Bref, had to see few doctors, get some blood tests, and stool samples (there weren't any it was just "raspberry coulis" to borrow boozers expression - he did in fact say "coulis de framboise" in french, which litterally translates to raspberry coulis, but I digress) and later have some guy inspect my rectum with some speculum like looking glass (what a perv!!! tall, skinny, dry skin... i don't even want to know what he thinks about when he jacks off!






(hospital bathroom, pre-Col ca zappe trop pas!)

The whole thing ends in a very awkward downward dog position and being told (after an eerie fucking sigh) that I needed to have a coloscopy. Aparently somehting wasn't right!
NO SHIT Sherlock! (pun intended!) I never would have guessed!

So .... there it was... I basically had to go as such a postponement was too bitter to contemplate !

And when I say Go... I mean Go-Go-Go, because for all you coloscopy neophytes out there (Xeum a part)... what you don't know  is that you need flush... flush your insides! make them GUSH!!!
2 straight days of drinking liters of this hideous (hideux en francais -mais qui en anglais ne se rapporte pas necessairement a quelquechose de visuel) liquid that basically gives you MASSIVE diarreah!



(le couloir, IV needle in... ca zappe TOUJOURS PAS...mais la me suis fait grille... ils m'ont confisque mon telephone!)


Aaaannywayyy... after having been anally probed for about 20 mins (THANK FUCKING CHRIST I was under ) I came out the other side... and to cut to the chase, apparently all anomalies had vanished.
Docs are still not sure what happened to me, but hey....at least it ain't cancer. I'd like to say "no harm, no foul" but sticking a camera up my ass to let me know that I'm doing just fine is pushing it.... (au figuratif bien sur....."pushing it" est une expression equivalente a "pousser le bouchon un peu loin" en francais - vous aurez compris)

Conclusion: now I know why those so-called "robes" are open in the back (though they should call them "giant bibs with sleeves" it's a more adequate name) and I can tick a number of sexual fantasies off my list! I made friends with the janitor. she's deaf - I tried horse, it didn't work. (private joke)  She was really good at reading lips. I didn't go there.

In the meantime, all is well that ends well!



(after my version of "Innerspace" (l'aventure interieur - sorti en 1987) le regard toujours vif  zerozappance)



Hopefully, you'll get a few laughs or chuckles from this and it will make up for the no show on the blog - and I can share a behind the scenes pic or two somewhere down the road.....

... that's it from me, back to you...

Nelsonchocercose Monformaldehyde vous lance un GRAND ZERO.... CA ZAP APS!